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Sunday, March 30, 2008

FBI: After Week Long Search, Body of Slain Courier Found

Sunday, March 30, Springfield - A week long Police investigation turned up a gruesome discovery today. Last week's disappearance of Mr. E. Stir Bunny has turned up with a chilling discovery, much feared by the local FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU).

"As many had speculated over this long and grueling week, Mr. Bunny is indeed dead.", confirmed Lt. F. Leghorn of the Springfield Police Department. Investigators believe that he may have been held in captivity for several days before his captors finally executed and dumped his body along a rural road.

"This has all the earmarks of an organized crime execution; 3 shots, 1 in the chest and 2 to the head" remarked Special Agent, in charge, E. Fudd of the BAU. "It wasn't wabbit season, you know". Fudd added, " We believe this is related to and is retaliation for the St. Valentines day massacre last month."

Mr.Bunny, also known to many acquaintances as "Bugsy" or "Bugs", disappeared last week while making deliveries for a local supermarket and import company, Genco Puro. The proprietor, Genco Abbandando, reported Mr. Bunny missing when he failed to deliver a shipment of eggs. Mr. Abbandando did not have much more to add, however, and seemed to be agitated by the attention all of this caused.

Mr. Bunny leaves behind a wife and a couple of dozen children. His oldest son Peter Edward Rabbitt, from another relationship of Mr. Bunny, has already picked up where his father left off and said "I vow to keep making children happy each year with Pop's charitable contributions of chocolate eggs". He added, "Pop was a good man, no matter what they say."