OPENING DAY!!!

Today is the best day of the season; Opening Day. It is the official start of summer, in my book. After today It will be one long season with very little excitement, unless a miracle happens.

Thank you Peter Angelos for preparing us, year after year, for no expectations. I think the fans of Baltimore baseball should file a class action against you for ruining our team.

Last year I took my son to see Cal Ripken Jr. get inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. I don't even see a player on the horizon with this team to get that achievement. So that memory will have to last a while.

I am happy that Peter finally decided to step out of the way, for now, and rebuild this team with a bunch of great looking prospects. We'll have to settle for the "Baby Birds" and I wish them tremendous success in a tough division.

Play Ball!

FBI: After Week Long Search, Body of Slain Courier Found

Sunday, March 30, Springfield - A week long Police investigation turned up a gruesome discovery today. Last week's disappearance of Mr. E. Stir Bunny has turned up with a chilling discovery, much feared by the local FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU).

"As many had speculated over this long and grueling week, Mr. Bunny is indeed dead.", confirmed Lt. F. Leghorn of the Springfield Police Department. Investigators believe that he may have been held in captivity for several days before his captors finally executed and dumped his body along a rural road.

"This has all the earmarks of an organized crime execution; 3 shots, 1 in the chest and 2 to the head" remarked Special Agent, in charge, E. Fudd of the BAU. "It wasn't wabbit season, you know". Fudd added, " We believe this is related to and is retaliation for the St. Valentines day massacre last month."

Mr.Bunny, also known to many acquaintances as "Bugsy" or "Bugs", disappeared last week while making deliveries for a local supermarket and import company, Genco Puro. The proprietor, Genco Abbandando, reported Mr. Bunny missing when he failed to deliver a shipment of eggs. Mr. Abbandando did not have much more to add, however, and seemed to be agitated by the attention all of this caused.

Mr. Bunny leaves behind a wife and a couple of dozen children. His oldest son Peter Edward Rabbitt, from another relationship of Mr. Bunny, has already picked up where his father left off and said "I vow to keep making children happy each year with Pop's charitable contributions of chocolate eggs". He added, "Pop was a good man, no matter what they say."

It's not your Dad's Kegger

I don't know what's more pathetic - In Wausau, Wisconsin yesterday, police raided a high school kegger held at the home of Dustin Zebro, 18. This was no ordinary kegger though; these students were drinking beer, root beer.

If this wasn't pathetic enough, it became even more so when the police proceeded to administer a total of 90 breathalyzer tests to teens, before they were satisfied that no one was drunk.

I guess I should say bravo to the teens for being so responsible or were they trying to dupe the Cops. The Cops, well, I guess they were just being responsible too. I just don't understand why they made the teens poor out their cups.

Hmm... around 100 kids all drinking root beer... I don't get it; was the library closed?

Romo Shoots 2 Over at the Azalea Invitational

Yesterday, Tony Romo shot 2 over 73 in the Azalea Invitational, at the Country Club of Charleston, SC, one of the top amateur golf events in the country. The 1 handicap golfer is just four shots off the lead.

Romo who just missed qualifying for the 2007 U.S. Open is being caddied by best friend, Terrell Owens. When asked about "his golfer", Owens, with a tear in his eye, said, "He's playing pretty well despite the fact that he keeps loosing those dumb ass Nike balls of his. They keep slippin' away from him into the grass and trees".

Owens was later heard complaining, "He'd probably win this thing if he'd just use those pretty pink balls I got him for Christmas. Oh, and one other thing, can someone tell that Simpson girl to stay in the club house during rounds; she's so distracting".

Who's Your Daddy?

Introducing the New DIY Paternity Test

There is all kinds of potential for new drinking games, with this on the market. It requires 45 seconds of vigorous cheek swabbing to provide samples of DNA. Hmmmmm... isn't that usually how the process gets started, initially, as to why you need a sample anyway.

Oooh! Look at the Scary Man...

...with the Scared, Out of Her Wits, White Woman

Is race still such a hot button that we have to hear bullshit about magazine covers like, "It conjures up this idea of a dangerous black man," from nobodies like Tamara Walker, 29, of Philadelphia. Did someone really have to pull her aside and ask her opinion. She probably made it up so that we could see her quoted.

Maybe Tamara should have made the most of her 15 minutes and added: What's LeBron going to do? Bludgeon her with the basketball or stomp her to death and risk staining his "Kicks". Gisele Bundchen looks terrified; doesn't she? What a helpless victim. There must have been another man, holding her at gun point, for this tragic event to of happened. What did they do to poor Tom Brady? Thank God someone was there to record the whole tragedy as it unfolded. Where did he go afterward? He must have gone to a dog fight.

Do we also have to hear from so called experts like Samir Husni, a magazine analyst, who believes the photo was deliberately provocative. He said that it "screams King Kong." "Considering Vogue's influential history", he added, "covers are not something that the magazine does in a rush". He also said,"So when you have a cover that reminds people of King Kong and brings those stereotypes to the front, black man wanting white woman, it's not innocent."

WHAT BULLSHIT and Samir Husni is a BULLSHIT ARTIST! That black man only wanted the publicity. And so did the white woman.

The only thing this cover made me think of was, "Is that dress painted on?" And that was the only thing I considered, while standing in line at Super Fresh.

What does this picture say? Look at the poor black man with the mean ol' slave owner.

Now, to me, this picture is kind of scary. I mean, look at that gingivitis.

Boardwalk, Parkplace, XM & Sirius

Maybe I can win Westminster; Uno did.

Well, it happened. The Department of Justice (DOJ) blessed the merger between XM Satellite Radio and Sirius Satellite Radio by determining that this was not creating a monopoly of the only two business that exist in satellite radio.

mo·nop·o·ly
Pronunciation: m&-'nä-p&-lE
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural -lies
1 : exclusive control of a particular market that is marked by the power to control prices and exclude competition and that esp. is developed willfully rather than as the result of superior products or skill —see also ANTITRUST Sherman Antitrust Act in the IMPORTANT LAWS section
2 : one that has a monopoly

You know what I hope? I hope the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) doesn't green light a Megalomaniac, Mel Karmazin, to tear down a good business like XM. The group that pioneered satellite radio in the 1st place and who still has a larger market share, despite expensive acquisitions like Howard Stern, NASCAR and the NFL packages, by Sirius.

Yes; Howard Stern is a package. He's not a very large one. Small, kind of like the return the investors of Sirius received when Howard was given the entire bank; a Mel decision.

Hey Mel, if it ain't broke don't fix it. XM has great content don't screw around with it. Hire a good CFO and Program Manager that won't kiss your ass.

The Headline Reads...

...Star Explodes Halfway Across Universe

The star was 7.5 billion light years away and the explosion could be seen last Wednesday for less than an hour. It set a record for the furthest object away to be seen with the naked eye. Pretty cool stuff.

My only question is...

...if the universe is boundless, or infinite, how do we know where half way across is? What is up with that?

Happy Easter

The shocking truth about

where easter eggs come from.

Hell Freezes Over

As much as it pains me to see West Virginia win at anything, this puts a smile on my face. Hell has frozen over and WVU upset Duke, at BASKETBALL!

For a school that had to be reminded that they even play another sport besides football, they pulled one of the upsets of the ages.

It was so exciting, you could hear Grandmother Teel holler "Lets all get out and burn the lawn furniture"!

Sarah Jessica Parker vs. Maxim Magazine

Sarah Jessica Parker has taken offense to a Maxim Magazine article that declares her to be the "World's Un-Sexiest Woman".

Though, she may not be the sexiest woman in the world, she's right to be peeved. She should not even make the list of the "World's Un-Sexiest Celebrities". For a 40-something actress, Sarah's pretty hot and holds her own with many in her profession.

Acting can be a long carrier but being a celebrity, in the "Lime Light", as well, is not such a luxury most actors can reach or sustain. Sarah Jessica Parker has been in that category her entire life. Her "Lime Light" has never faded but only gotten brighter.

Sarah has been able to successfully move from stage to screen to television and had a successful advertising side career as well, which depicts her as being "Lovely" and someone we "Covet".

In addition, she has a long marriage to an equally successful actor, the very cool, Matthew Broderick. They can certainly be considered a "Power Couple" and they don't even live in Hollywood. I don't know their net worth but I imagine, they ain't hurt'n for dough.

All of this while not ever having been arrested, in rehab, strung out on dope or depicted as a child actor gone bad. Now that's sexy.

BRIGHT Idea?

Why can't they ever get anything right? Just when I thought they had designed something affordable with side effects to help me save a lot of money and help the environment, they screw that up too.

When I say "they", I mean the corporate geniuses and scientists that come up with brilliant designs, like the Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb (CFL). These idiots actually forgot about mercury, a neurotoxin that can cause kidney and brain damage.

All CFL's contain about 5 Milligrams. This amount does not seem like much but, according to Stanford University environmental safety researchers, that amount alone can contaminate 6000 gallons of drinking water, beyond safe drinking levels.

That means that you can not afford to break a bulb and you must dispose of them properly. Which we all know, many people are unwilling to do.

The EPA suggests a procedure you should follow to clean up after you have broken a bulb:

1) Air out the room for a quarter of an hour

2) Wear gloves

3) Double-bag the refuse

4) Use duct tape to lift the residue from a carpet

5) Don’t use a vacuum cleaner, as that will only spread the problem

This is all starting to sound like my buddy Norman Vargass' procedures, after getting lucky.

6) The next time you vacuum the area, immediately dispose of the vacuum bag

7) Broken bulbs and their remains should be recycled at a facility approved to handle fluorescent lamps

The fact is that there are not too many qualified landfills to dispose of CFL's. Even in 7 states that have actual legislation to ban improper disposal, they have on average one facility per county to do so. If you are near an IKEA take your bulbs there as they are the largest recyclers of fluorescent bulbs.

"It ain't easy being green".

Staff Sgt. James Kinchloe

Ivan Dixon, best known for playing Staff Sgt. James Kinchloe on Hogan's Heroes, has unfortunately passed. Kinchloe was the African American Communications Officer, for Colonel Hogan's hilarious band of insurgent POW, in the first 5 seasons of the show.

Kinchloe, known to the other POW's as "Kinch" was the straight man of the group. He never got the one-liners which always generated laughs but did have an essential role, none the less.

Kinch's talent for mimicking foreign dialects was always a funny bit. He frequently called Colonel Klink, the Commandant of Stalag 13, and fooled him into doing something preposterous. He even mimicked Adolf Hitler once.

Dixon was replaced by another African American actor, Kenneth Washington, who played "Sargent Baker", for the final season. I've never heard why this happened and it's too bad he didn't finish with the rest of the cast. I don't even know if it were ever explained as to where he disappeared to, on the show. Did he escape?

Clean Up Your Air...

...and Free Tibet, China! It's not ideal property anyway.

Oh, and to the rest of you; instead of punishing and trying to keep athletes from doing what they've trained their entire life to do; why doesn't someone take a look at the IOC and overhaul their Olympic site selection committee?

Why would they select a country that is an obvious perpetrator of crimes against humanity and the biggest environmental scoundrel in the world to host the largest world wide event there is?

We're they offered extra egg rolls during their tour of the country or something? No; that can't be it, because we all know that the IOC is above taking a bribe.

Top of the Morning to Ya...

... and Happy St. Patrick's Day to ya too!

Out of Time?

I watched an interesting video about watches this morning. (Click the title and you can see it) Watch sales are down 20%, since 2006, for low to mid range watches.

It used to be an essential tool for people to have a watch and almost everyone had one. As far as gadgets went, you could always pick up a cheap time piece. Now, more and more people are carrying high tech devices that include a digital display of the time.

The younger generation consisting of 18-34 year old people don't have as much or any use for a watch. They now look to their cell phone, PDA or MP3 player, among other devices.

Luxury watch sales are still the same, however, as most people buy them as a symbol of status or for appearances rather than the need for a time piece. Let's face it, the rich also have the fanciest gadgets as well.

Personally, like other timeless devices, I don't think that watches will disappear. Analog watches were going to disappear when digital time pieces were introduced; remember? Motion pictures were going to go away with the advent of video. The horse was going into extinction with automobiles being introduced and the Ford making them affordable to all. Okay, maybe the horse is a stretch but Ford may be out of time.

I will admit one thing, however. My watch has been sitting in my dresser drawer, for months, because it needs a new battery. Maybe I should go out and get one of those self-winding oyster perpetual gadgets.

Oops; look at the time. Gotta go, I'm late!

Happy Ides of March

Et tu, Brute?

It's 3.14; Happy Pi Day Everyone!

Geraldine Ferraro Would Have Made Dan Quail Look Like A Genius

Last week the "Obama for President" campaign lost a top aide, Samantha Power, when she resigned after saying something factual but not 'PC'. Power call Hillary Clinton a "Monster".

Not to be out done; Yesterday, in a cleverly designed 'tit-for-tat' maneuver, the "Rodham-Clinton for Madam President" campaign also lost an advisor when Geraldine Ferraro 'fell on her sword' and resigned. She did so after making a statement that many are still trying to interrupt.

The former running mate of Walter 'One State' Mondale, Ferraro said "Barack Obama wouldn't be succeeding in the presidential race if he weren't black"; To which Obama replied, "The notion that it is a great advantage to me to be an African American named Barack Obama and pursue the presidency, I think, is not a view that has been commonly shared by the general public."

Samantha Power can at least claim sobriety, when she makes an observation.

Today, a guest speaker from across the pond...

...Brit, Pat Condell

Guest Speaker view points may or may not be, but probably, those of this host Blogger.

The Flaming Liberal...

...Award Goes to "W" (Not that "W"), for being the 1st to post something on my Blog. Even if he was wrong, as usual.

The Other End of the Wire

Many of us know New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, DEMOCRAT, as the man who exposed Enron's fraud scandal in where thousands lost their retirement funds. He caught AIG dirty when they were fixing bids and school districts, individuals and companies were over charged for insurance.

He sued GlaxoSmithKline for not disclosing bad information about the drug Paxil and recommending it to children. He got Simon, a very large shopping mall owner for violating gift card fee charges to consumers.

He discovered high-interest banking schemes by Capital One and others aimed at the elderly that charged up to 500% interest rates and so on, and so on, and so on...

OH! wait; he also brought down the Gambino Family, crime syndicate.

But wait! There's more...

This former Superhero Crime Fighter, and now Governor, just tripped over a 'wire'. Mr. 'The People vs. Big Industry' or 'The Sheriff of Wall Street' just got caught on a wire tap as a client of a major prostitution service.

Today he just relinquished the Governor seat, as a result of this investigation and may wind up in the same hot water he's put a lot of others in.

I bet he feels pretty stupid now and could use some help from 'The Family'. As Michael Coleone, in "The Godfather II" said, "We're all part of the same hypocrisy..."

"Governor..., I got a guy, who's got a guy."

"Really; do you think Senator Clinton could help?"

"Maybe Bill would be better suited to this task. If you know what I mean."

End of "The Wire"

Tonight airs the series finally of HBO's, "The Wire". Anyone who's a fan, of the show, is wondering how it's all going to end. My guess is that nothing will feel finished, after it airs.

How could it? The crime and corruption isn't finished in real life, Baltimore. This show is as real as it gets too. True, certain characters are probably more colorful than in real life but probably not by much of a stretch.

In reality, former Mayor and now Governor, Martin O'Malley is more outrageous and probably more corrupt than his likeness Tommy Carcetti.

If you have not watched the "The Wire" than go out and rent it. You won't be disappointed and you might come away feeling that you just watched the best show ever written, acted and produced yet never given it's due. Many critics likened it to modern day Shakespeare play. That, too, is not much of a stretch.

The sad parts of the show is that it mirrors real life events, to some degree. Weather it be the dark inner city street life and it's murder and drug addiction or the ineptitude and inability of the so called modern Police to police it.

How can the Police get ahead, being handcuffed by the politics and corrupt politicians that rule blue collar towns like Baltimore, MD or as the graffiti states, "Body More Murder Land". They are constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul, by diverting funds from the criminal justice system to the hopeless Baltimore City Public School System.

One system feeds into the other. Poor poorly educated students seeping out of the school system as soon as they are able; to get a seemingly better education on the street where they can earn, be promoted, run their own corner and eventually the business if they can survive the "dog eat dog world", out there. Not much different from what most people do, minus the guns.

Let's not forget to mention the dock's. In a post 9/11 society, cities like Baltimore, who rely heavily on the ports for commerce, have tremendous exposure which leaves the nation exposed. If you can ship in a bunch of hookers from Russia, what else can you bring in?

Back to the corrupt politicians; in their hasty run to get from one election to another (Governorship), Mayors tend to piss off a lot of people. Like the Federal Justice System and Department of Homeland Security. This leads to poor federal funding and no help for the desperate criminal justice system.

In the 5th and final season, we have seen how the media, too, can be corrupted. It can be swayed by politician's, duped by cops, politicked to death within itself, out wit itself and overwhelmed by a shrinking economy and the Internet.

There is no integrity left and I believe "The Wire", like the "Sopranos" has to end, with no end.

Real World Maryland Governor and Former Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley

and HBO's, "The Wire"

Baltimore Mayor and Maryland Gubernatorial Candidate Thomas Carcetti

There is something that's not alwhite with these pictures.

SSSHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Bush: Waterboarding is nothing but good clean fun

President Bush vetoed the bill to ban water boarding today, saying that he wouldn't know what it would have been like not to have such good clean All-American fun in college.

"When I was pledging, the Skull & Bones Society", I was water boarded", Bush said. He added, "I even passed out for a good 20 to 25 minutes, not breathing, before someone thought to call the school nurse for a little mouth to mouth if you know what I mean (wink, wink).

Bush concluded, "Yes sirry Bob, I was water boarded and so were the pledges the following semester. I even started the tradition with the Baseball team, in my senior year. Who are we to end such a harmless tried and true American tradition?"

Monster?

Samantha Power, 37, Harvard Professor, Founding Executive Director of Harvard University Carr Center for Human Rights Policy, Human Rights Activist, Brown University Honorary Doctor of Humane Letters Degree, 2003 Pulitzer Prize winning author of "A Problem From Hell: America and the Age of Genocide", (Laundry list of other credentials) and Probably a pretty good authority on real life 'Monsters' was forced to resign today as a Senior Advisor of the US Democratic Party and Presidential Candidate Senator Barack Obama's Presidential campaign, for calling Senator Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton Jr. a Monster.

What do you think? It's like looking at...

..."Man of a Thousand Faces", Lon Chaney Sr.